1 Crosby Street

If I had an eccentric, stylish and rich uncle, Crosby Street is exactly what his mansion would look like. In the lobby, there’s an enormous floating head made up of letters and a pair of dogs made up of The Beano.

In fact, there’s plenty of art about, much of it the work of the excellent Peter Clark, an English collagist. Elsewhere, Crosby Street has a screening room (and like its sister hotels in London, Charlotte Street and Covent Garden, will soon have a film club), a long bar and restaurant, and, downstairs, a polar-bear bookshelf guarding the meeting rooms.

It has been designed to qualify as one of the first Leed (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) certified hotels in the city after its first year — hence the forthcoming rooftop vegetable garden.

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79 Crosby Street; 00 1-212 226 6400, firmdale.com; doubles from £320

2 Jane

This is unquestionably the most bonkers hotel in New York. Here are just some of the reasons: 1) real people live in it. There are 50 full-time residents, including one old boy who’s been there for 30 years. 2) Most of the rooms are microscopic. As in 50 sq ft. But at £60, with TV and WiFi, they’re great value, and they get better because 3) some of them have bunk beds, so two of you can compare your claustrophobia for £75. Trouble is, 4) they don’t have bathrooms. In fact, there are just two bathrooms (which means four showers and four toilets) per floor of 48 rooms.

There are normal-sized rooms, too, called Captain’s Cabins, which do have bathrooms. (The building used to be a sailors’ hostel.) Oh, and 5) the communal areas are like stepping back into the 1920s — the bellboys wear pillbox hats and the ballroom drips with nudes and antique furniture. These areas are currently closed; phone for opening times.

113 Jane Street; 212 924 6700, thejanenyc.com; doubles from £150

3 Standard

You probably know of André Balazs and his hip hotels in LA (Chateau Marmont, the Standard). Now, Manhattan gets its own Standard, riding the new High Line park in the Meatpacking District. From the ground it’s a towering, not entirely attractive old building in a part of town that doesn’t really do high-rise; inside, it’s part kitsch, part futurism. I

t’s fun, though: the 337 good-sized rooms have glorious views of either the Hudson or the city; the 18th-floor bar is a 1920s-style cocktail lounge, with vast windows and a glass-floored smokers’ balcony; the beer garden has free ping pong; and the so-called spa, with hot tub, bar and decks, has a vending machine for his-and-hers swimsuits.

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