A QUARTER of a century ago the writer Paul Theroux visited Aberdeen and tried to find a room. It wasn't easy. He called the Station Hotel - nothing going. He tried hotel after hotel with a “mounting sense of incredulity, for the amazing thing was not the high prices or their sleazy condition but rather the fact that there were no spare rooms”.

On a recent visit I found that nothing much had changed. Marcliffe Hotel (no luck). Theroux's Station Hotel (fully booked). I phoned six others: “Sorry, have you thought about a B&B?” they said, blaming “oil men” for the shortage.

So I just turned up, hoping for the best. And within half an hour I found Soprano St Magnus Court, right by the docks. “We've had a cancellation,” said a friendly receptionist with an extremely orange tan.

The Soprano dates from 1870 and was formerly called the Caledonian. It overlooks the ferry dock to the Shetland Islands and the main railway station - making it excellent for people passing through the city (as I was). Next door is a bookies and a series of salty, tough-looking pubs that look straight out of the film Trainspotting.

Aberdeen's docks brought to mind Theroux's “sleazy”. So did the hotel booklet. A section on “ladies of the night” said: “You may see them plying their trade. Please don't bring them to the hotel. Our night porter is a good Christian, can't be bribed and won't let you in.”

This was included in an “honest and tongue-in-cheek” guide that also highlighted “gentlemen's clubs”. This part said: “If you must visit insalubrious parts of town, be careful. None of our staff sent to review these places ever returned. We are not sure if this is a recommendation to visit or a warning to stay away.”

You don't find comments like that in your average Hilton or Best Western.

The hotel held more surprises. It was being renovated. Luckily I'd been allotted a new room, although it was small, with rather boring red and yellow decor, and traffic noise.

Appropriately, I felt, a plastic sign on the desk advertised one-hour “life-changing sessions. Get help with confidence, happiness or anxiety challenges”. For a moment I toyed with the idea - then thought better of it.

There was no restaurant. I was tempted to buy a takeaway and bring it to the room. But another plastic sign warned of £100 fines for this.

So I went out to find a bite to eat. Police were entering a nearby pub to break up a fight. Ladies of the night hung out in alleyway shadows. I found a bar with a strange Dracula theme and downed a “Seven Deadly Sins Cocktail” (£4).

Lots of sinning (but too few rooms) in Aberdeen's docks, it seemed.

Bottom line Mystery Guest paid £115 for a B&B double

Sampling the fare Standard fry-up breakfast

Best thing Very central

Worst thing Road noise

Need to know Soprano St Magnus Court (01224 589411, www.sopranohotels.co.uk), Aberdeen, AB11 6NF

Room 3 out of 10

Food 2.5 out of 10 (breakfast)

Service 6 out of 10

Value 3 out of 10

Score 3.63

PUT TO THE TEST: 20 Mystery Guest questions for... Soprano St Magnus Court, Aberdeen

1. Do rooms have kettles/coffee makers? And is there fresh milk?

Kettles with tea, and coffee and UHT milk tubs.

2. Is there a hairdryer, and is it fixed to a wall?

Handheld hairdryers.

3. Are coathangers metal, wooden, removable?

Removeable wooden.

4. Complimentary bottle of water?

No. Large bottles of water are £2.50 from reception.

5. Sheets and blankets or duvets?

Both.

6. What about a 'pillow menu'?

No.

7. Is lighting good enough for reading?

Yes, there are mini reading lights by beds.

8. Is there a shaving/make up mirror? And is it well lit?

No.

9. What about the in-room entertainment system?

Just televisions.

10. Is there a temperature control panel?

No. But radiators can be adjusted.

11. Do the windows open?

Most open, though "some are stiff", said a receptionist.

12. Is there good sound-proofing?

Reasonable in Mystery Guest's room.

13. Is there wi-fi internet access?

Yes, for £15 a day.

14. Is there a good place to go jogging nearby?

Not really.

15. What is the vegetarian food selection like?

The restaurant was closed for refurbishment when Mystery Guest visited.

16. Is there baby listening/babysitting? And are children welcome at adults’ evening meals?

No.

17. Is there wheelchair access to all areas?

No.

18. Do you get a free paper in the morning?

No.

19. Is there a pub round the corner?

Several.

20. Is there free car parking? And is it secure?

No.

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