A visitor's book entry at this hotel on the most westerly tip of mainland England was blunt and to the point: “What a con. Taking the sign down at night. Bloody cheek.”

The comment referred to the famous signpost by the cliff overlooking Longships Lighthouse and out across the Atlantic to America. It shows the distance to John o' Groats (mainland Britain's most north-easterly settlement, 874 miles away), New York (3,147 miles), and the Isles of Scilly (28 miles).

To have your picture taken here, in a cordoned-off area leased by the hotel owners to a private company, costs £9.50 during the day, but the signpost is removed in the evening when the site is unmanned.

The writer of the entry in the visitor book thought this was to stop people taking free snaps. “No, it's because the sign's been stolen twice,” the hotel receptionist said. “If we leave it out, it goes. There are people out there... waiting.” This thievery “makes everything more expensive, we have to pay for the new signs and then we pass on the charges”.

There is something mean-spirited about Land's End Hotel and its various connected theme park-style attractions, which include a Dr Who Up Close collection of costumes, a Return to the Last Labyrinth “journey into wonder”, and a Coast to Coast “exciting exhibition”. Adult tickets £10.95, children's £6.95. Everything seems to come at a cost - it feels like a money-making machine.

And then there's the hotel itself.

The exterior is dull: a white block-like building perching by the cliff edge. The reception was poorly run: we waited ten minutes on arrival (“all right?” asked a sleepy woman when she finally materialised). The rooms are poky and boring: beige wallpaper, plain white bedspead, fake carnations in a vase. The bed was uncomfortable. And the view, from ours, was of an air-conditioning unit and a Kwix Snax outlet. Never mind, we thought, heading for the restaurant, looking forward to watching the sun set.

“I'm afraid we don't have a window table,” said an unctuous waiter, taking us to seats in the middle, next to a floorboard that bounced whenever someone passed. The food was terrible. Almost tasteless fried spinach and feta goujons were followed by oily stuffed peppers and pork in an overpowering pepper sauce. The only thing we really enjoyed was the sparkling wine from Camel Valley, a Cornish vineyard, costing £29.95 a bottle.

A table by the window, right in front us, remained mockingly empty throughout.

We watched the sun set from outside - the ball of orange dropping slowly beneath the metallic grey sea. It was beautiful. Then we turned to look at the hotel. Our hearts sank.

What a dreary sight, we thought. What a bloody cheek. Land's End deserves better than this.

Bottom line Mystery Guest paid £120 for a B&B double

Sampling the fare £79 for three courses with wine for two

Best thing The sunset

Worst thing Everything else

Need to know Land's End Hotel (01736 871844, www.landsendhotel.co.uk), Cornwall, TR19 7AA

Room 1 out of 10

Food 1 out of 10

Service 2 out of 10

Value 3 out of 10

Score 1.75

PUT TO THE TEST: 20 Mystery Guest questions for... Land's End Hotel

1. Do rooms have kettles/coffee makers? And is there fresh milk?

Kettles but no fresh milk; milk cartons.

2. Is there a hairdryer, and is it fixed to a wall?

Hand-held hairdryers in rooms.

3. Are coathangers metal, wooden, removable?

A mixture.

4. Complimentary bottle of water?

No.

5. Sheets and blankets or duvets?

Duvets.

6. What about a 'pillow menu'?

No.

7. Is lighting good enough for reading?

Yes.

8. Is there a shaving/make up mirror? And is it well lit?

In some rooms.

9. What about the in-room entertainment system?

Small TVs.

10. Is there a temperature control panel?

No.

11. Do the windows open?

Yes.

12. Is there good sound-proofing?

Reasonable.

13. Is there wi-fi internet access?

Not in rooms, only in public areas.

14. Is there a good place to go jogging nearby?

Yes.

15. What is the vegetarian food selection like?

Limited.

16. Is there baby listening/babysitting? And are children welcome at adults’ evening meals?

No babysitting, but baby listening devices are available.

17. Is there wheelchair access to all areas?

Not to the rooms but there is access to the bar and restaurant.

18. Do you get a free paper in the morning?

No.

19. Is there a pub round the corner?

The hotel has a bra and there is a pub two miles away.

20. Is there free car parking? And is it secure?

Free but not secured.

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